IF IPL IS NATIONALISED : A FUNNY LOOK:

  1. The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India.
  2. Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate, Mr Dalit Modi.
  3. The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai Manus. It will, naturally, field only Maharashtrians (preferably Maharshtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken.
  4. The Chennai Super Kings team will renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam. Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha respectively.
  5. Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress Cobras, CPI Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers etc.
  6. Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for players. The lowest priced players will be picked.
  7. Cheerleaders will be replaced by honourable ministers who will give speeches during breaks in the match.
  8. Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved for be women.
  9. Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets.
  10. Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarized.
  11. All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary Commission.
  12. IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cell-phone will immediately be withdrawn.
  13. Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a Govt doctor examines him.
  14. Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants.
  15. These new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they represent during breaks.
  16. IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. and subsequently from 3.30 a.m. to 7p.m, subject to satellite link-up availability.
  17. Between each innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in Hindi, followed by news for the hearing impaired.
  18. Agricultural shots can be played only during the phase of the game termed “Krishi Darshan”.
  19. There will be no matches on weekends or on national/regional holidays.
  20. The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.
  21. Bowlers will have to bowl sarpatti and ghasssarkundi balls to the reserved players.
  22. Pakistan will immediately announce its intention to start its own version of the tournament called PPL and Mr Zardari will make a visit to Washington to meet President Obama and seek an additional grant of $1 billion to fund it.
    Courtesy Mr Gulati

 

Difference between North Indian and South Indian wives!

Wives from North:

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.
2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.
3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movie theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.
4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.
5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.
6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her gray hair.
7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching “Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi” that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.
8. You are a very “ESpecial” person to her.
9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south India until she met you.
10. When she says she is going to “work out” she means she is going to “Walk out”
11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.
12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are “Thank you” and “How are you”
13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson.

Wives from South:

1. Her mother looks down at you because you didn’t study in IIT or Madras or Anna University .
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with ” … I say…”
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)
5. She uses the word ‘Super’ as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)
8. When she mixes milk – curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.
10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.
11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.
12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for ‘conversation’)
13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie.
14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.
15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it.
16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
17. She is more educated than you.
18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.

How the money from the sale of the Hard Rock cafe was used to build a hospital in India

As I ate my hot fudge sundae at the famous Hard Rock Cafe in London I noticed that amongst the rock memorabilia of the Beatles, Hendrix and Rolling Stones stood a life size photograph of a rather odd looking figure. But this fuzzy headed character dressed in bright orange/red is no rock star. He is Sri Sathya Sai Baba the guru of the blue chip multinational restaurant group and responsible for their corporate slogan ‘Love All. Serve All.’ Isaac Tigrett, the restaurant chain’s founder, believes that Sai Baba saved his life when his Porsche careered at 90 mph over a 300 ft drop. “Sai Baba appeared beside me in the car and put his arm around me.
The car was totally destroyed but I got out without a bruise.” When Tigrett sold his share of the company for £16 million he gave all his money to Sai Baba’s cause. The proceeds of the sale helped build a free hospital in India.
Craig Hamilton-Parker

NOT JUST ANOTHER BLOG

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